


Love Thy Lily

by LifeOnTheMoon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-18 00:28:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19965730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LifeOnTheMoon/pseuds/LifeOnTheMoon
Summary: The life and loves of Lily Evans.





	1. Severus Snape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Lily meets and loses her first love.

Severus Snape was a good person. Lily always believed that. Even when Tuney said he was a freak and he would get her into trouble one day, she always stuck up for him. Because Severus Snape was a good person. 

Her parents had thought it was a joke. A strange, not entirely pleasant joke. After all why on earth would anyone send a letter to a child, getting her hopes up that she was magical and special, only to dash them to the ground. Even the visit from the kindly old man who told them that sometimes a Muggle child was born with extraordinary powers failed to convince them.

But she knew. She knew that she was magical, special, because Sev had told her. And Sev was never wrong. It was only after the man turned her mother’s cup of tea into a guinea pig did her parents finally agree, most reluctantly to send her away. 

The kindly old man, who’s name she later learned was Adolphus Huff, helped her buy her school supplies. Her parents were slowly becoming accustomed to the fact that their child was in fact a witch and seemed to quite enjoy the trip to Diagon Alley. Sev tagged along for that too because his mother didn’t seem to want to take him to buy his school things. She knew it upset him but didn’t say anything, just took him by the hand as they walked down the streets of Diagon Alley. 

The train ride wasn’t quite as pleasant. The minute she met James Potter and Sirius Black, she knew they were trouble. She fervently hoped she wouldn’t be put into the same house as them because they were loud and rude and everything Sev wasn’t. 

“Do you think it’ll make a difference,” she asked. 

Severus sighed. “I’ve told you a hundred times Lily,” he said. “You’re magic. Otherwise you wouldn’t even be here.” 

“But I don’t know anything,” she said. “Won’t everyone be ahead of me?” 

“Trust me,” Severus said. “You’ll be the smartest girl in our class.” 

“Thanks,” she said, taking his hand. She was so wrapped up in her fears she didn’t even notice the happiness that came into his eyes. 

“And you’d better get put in Slytherin,” he said, trying to joke. “Otherwise I’ll have to disown you.” 

“Really?” she asked, her eyes wide.

“Of course not,” he said quickly. “You’re my best friend. I’ll never leave you.” 

She walked up to the sorting hat, possibly the most nervous she had ever been in her life and sat down on the stool. She sought out Severus in the crowd and he gave her a subtle thumbs-up. 

She hadn’t expected to hear a voice speaking almost as if it was in her head. 

“A brave one I see,” the voice said. 

“Not really,” she thought back. “I’m quite scared of spiders.” 

The voice sounded almost amused. “Ah but bravery isn’t solely restricted to the physical,” it said. “Not to mention the fact that I can see quite a bit of righteous indignation in your head.” 

“I don’t even know what that means,” Lily thought back. 

“No matter,” the Sorting Hat said. “GRYFFINDOR.” 

She hopped off the stool, gave Sev an almost apologetic look. She went to the table where Sirius Black moved up a little to give her room. But recognising him from the train she glared at him and turned her back. 

Lily never had a problem making friends. But she always went back to Sev. Marlene, Mary, Ruthie, none of them could hold a torch to Severus Snape. Maybe it was because he gave her her first insight into this wonderful magical world. Maybe it was because she always felt at home with him. That first year in Hogwarts was definitely her best. Even though James Potter, who was now one of the most popular boys in her class, teased her mercilessly, she was so utterly sure of Sev’s friendship it didn’t matter. 

It didn’t help that James seemed to have a group of people utterly willing to do his bidding. They called themselves the Marauders. They consisted of Potter himself, Black, who was undoubtedly Potter’s right hand man, the shy and unassuming Remus Lupin and rather incongruously, chubby little Peter Pettigrew who worshipped the ground James and Sirius walked on. 

They seemed to have formed an antipathy to Severus, who they rather cruelly nicknamed Snivellus. Much to Lily’s pleasure though, Severus was more than able to handle them, often playing pranks on them that were rather crueler than she would have ordinarily approved of. But it was the utterly ridiculous Marauders so Lily supposed it didn’t matter. 

Her friends used to make fun of her and Severus, calling him her boyfriend and making kissy faces when he was around, but she didn’t care. In the back of her head she was almost certain that she was going to grow up and marry Severus Snape. Because never before, in her very short life had she felt so connected to a person. 

“Sev,” she said, one day as they were sitting near the Lake hoping for a glimpse of the famed Giant Squid. “You know what? I reckon Potter and Black just bother you because they’re jealous.” 

“Jealous,” Severus practically snorted. “Of me?” 

“Why wouldn’t they be?” she asked. “I mean you’re way better than them at Potions. You even beat James on the last Transfiguration test. And you know how he hates to be beaten at anything.” 

“Well you beat him at everything and he doesn’t mind,” Sev said a little snappily. 

“Well it was just a thought,” Lily said, a little hurt. 

“I know,” he said. 

* * *

_Early Fifth Year_

Their friendship became steadily rockier after than first year. Where Severus had previously been a source of comfort to her he suddenly became a source of tension.

“Mulciber and Avery are evil, Sev,” she said, in their fifth year. “Why you insist on hanging out with them is beyond me.” 

“They’re like me,” Severus said with a shrug. “They understand me better than anyone else. They know what its like to want to feel powerful. To want to make sure you can stand up for yourself.” 

“So you decided to mix yourself up in dark magic just because James Potter and his toerag friends bully you?” she asked, the scorn evident in her voice. 

He shrank at her words. “Its not just that,” he said.

But she cut him off. “And all that nonsense about blood purification. I heard what they’ve been up to. Mary told me everything. She was in the Hospital Wing for a week. For a week Sev. I’m surprised Avery didn’t get expelled.” 

“I had nothing to do with that,” he mumbled. 

“I know that,” she said, impatiently. “Do you think I’d be talking to you if you had? But you have to know that they’re evil.” 

“They’re not evil,” he said defending them, much to her dismay. “They’re just misunderstood.” 

* * *

_After the OWLs_

“I can’t pretend anymore,” she said, desperately trying not to let the hurt she felt show in her voice. “You’ve chosen your way, I’ve chosen mine.” 

She walked away from him, her heart heavy. It felt a little like a part of her childhood had been doused in gasoline and set afire. She sat in her dormitory, going over the day’s events in her mind again and again. To her horror she realised she was crying. Tears dripped down the side of her face and she now knew that she could never have Severus back. He had done what he promised he would never do. He left her, or drove her away rather; by becoming someone she could never allow herself to love. Even though she knew that she would always love him. Maybe not this Severus, but the Severus who told her she wasn’t a freak, just special. 


	2. Gideon Prewett

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Lily meets her first boyfriend.

Lily was fourteen when she realized she had a crush on Gideon Prewett. He was cute. With big brown eyes and a nice laugh. Him and his twin brother were both equally nice to her but she thought she had seen Gideon’s eyes warm a little bit more when they rested on her. She hadn’t thought too much about boys before realising that Gideon might like her. She was rather put off them as a gender mostly because of James Potter and his cronies. Not to mention the fact that Severus was becoming increasingly fidgety in her presence, as if he was worried that his other friends (or his evil soon to be Death Eater friends as Lily often referred to them in her head) would disapprove. 

But Gideon was different. She got paired with him in potions once much to Sev’s chagrin. 

“I’m not exactly sure what to do,” Gideon said, his nose crumpling adorably as he looked through the textbook. 

“You just mix the arrowroot with the dried bat tongue,” she said, demonstrating. “And  then stir counterclockwise four times, and clockwise twice.” 

“Thanks,” he said gratefully. “I’m not very good at this.” 

“I can see,” she said, smiling at him. And when he smiled back, she felt an odd but not entirely unpleasant feeling that seemed to originate in her stomach. 

“The next Hogsmeade weekend is day after tomorrow,” he said casually. “Would you like to go with me?” 

“I would,” she said with a smile. 

“Good because I’m quite sure James Potter’s going to hex me for asking you out and it would be kind of a waste if you said no,” he said with an easy laugh. 

“Oh don’t worry about James Potter,” she said. “I can handle him.” 

“Yes,” Gideon said. “But I’d much rather I didn’t have to.” 

* * *

“Alice,” Lily groaned. “I’m going to be late.” 

“This is your first date,” Alice admonished. “And it’s alright to keep a boy waiting.”

“I don’t want to keep Gideon waiting though,” Lily said crossly. “I don’t want anymore makeup.” 

But Alice refused to be deterred, carefully lining Lily’s eyes with a black pencil and putting Merlin only knows what else on to her face. 

“Alice if you don’t let me up now you know that there isn’t even going to be any Gideon Prewett to date because Potter’s bound to do something horrible and scare him away,” Lily said, fidgeting. 

“You know considering the fact that you always say you hate Potter, you do talk about him a lot,” Alice said, mischievously. 

Lily gasped at the unfairness of that. “That’s because he’s such an annoying little git,” she said. 

“Git-ish behavior aside, James Potter is quite…” Alice said, her voice trailing off.

“That’s disgusting,” Lily said, “I’d rather date the Giant Squid.”

“Well you don’t have to,” Alice said. “Because there is a perfectly nice boy waiting for you outside the Common Room, who is incidentally my second cousin twice removed and therefore family. So don’t break his heart Lily Evans.” 

“As if I ever could,” Lily muttered. 

Alice watched her friend practically sprint out of the room and was secretly quite happy. The only boy Lily had ever shown any sort of interest in so far was Severus Snape and, not that Alice had anything against Snape, but he didn’t seem to be make her very happy nowadays.

* * *

“Where do you want to go?” Gideon asked as they left the castle. His red hair was damp having been chased for several yards by a determined water balloon, no doubt sent his was by Potter and his friends. 

“I don’t know,” Lily said, shrugging. “The Three Broomsticks is where I usually go.”

“My sister told me about this place she used to go with her boyfriend,” Gideon said, sounding a little embarrassed to be taking romantic advice from his big sister.  “Madame Puddifoots I think.” 

“Sounds good,” she said. “Could we stop at Scrivenshaft’s first? I need a new quill.” 

“And I have to go to Zonko’s too,” Gideon said. “Bill told me he wanted Fanged Frisbee.”

“Isn’t Bill three years old?” Lily asked. 

“He is,” Gideon said with a laugh. “But I’m his favourite uncle. So he gets whatever he wants from me.” 

“How about you get him something less lethal,” Lily suggested. “Like one of those pyramid things that you open and there are tiny mummies and loads of treasure inside it. I saw the adverts in the Daily Prophet today.” 

“Maybe that’s a good idea,” he said. “Arthur can play with it too. He loves anything Muggle.” 

“This is definitely not Muggle,” Lily said. “Muggles play with cars, or Barbie dolls.” 

“Barbie dolls?” Gideon said, his face scrunching up into his rather familiar confused expression that Lily thought was utterly adorable. "And aren't cars rather large? . I don't think Molly would be very pleased if I got Bill a car.” 

“Not a real car silly,” Lily said, affectionately. “A toy car. Its tiny.” 

“Oh,” he said, realisation washing over him. “That’s pretty cool. Can it drive by itself?” 

“No I’m afraid not but I can get Mum to send some if you want,” she said, liking the way he talked about his family. “They’re pretty much available everywhere.” 

“That would be brilliant,” he said, and once more she was knocked out by the sincerity in his smile. “I can see why Potter’s so obsessed with you. You really are cool.” 

They were so caught up in their conversation she didn’t even realize they had gotten to Scrivenshaft’s until he stopped walking. 

“We can split up,” she said. “I’ll meet you at Puddifoot’s in ten minutes.” 

As she browsed through the quills she wondered if he really really liked her. He was nice and cute. And they had the same coloured hair (though his might be a tad more gingery). But for some reason in the back of her head she kept thinking about Severus and how upset he was when she told him that she was going on a date with Gideon. Well Severus never asked me out, she thought, banishing the thoughts. If he wanted to he could have. But he didn’t and Gideon was nice. 

Much to Lily’s horror Puddifoot’s was a large pink monstrosity. But she didn’t really want to insult Gideon’s sister’s taste so she smiled rather uncertainly, and walked in. They ordered tea and sat in uncomfortable silence as they drank it. Around them couples much older than them were aggressively snogging. 

“I don’t think Molly’s all that good at romantic advice,” Gideon said with an apologetic smile. “Do you want to get out of here?” 

“Yes please,” she said, trying not to sound too eager. 

“We can go for a walk instead,” he said. And that was what they did. They walked around Hogsmeade and then back to the castle with nary and awkward moment.

“Today was fun,” he said when they stopped outside the portrait hole. 

“It was,” she agreed, there was a sense of expectation hanging around them and Lily was aware that this conversation was just happening to extend this happy afternoon that they had had. 

“Would you like to do it again sometime?” he asked, moving a little closer to her. 

“I think I would,” she said and as she was finishing her sentence, he moved his head down and brushed his lips against hers. 

She let out an uncharacteristic giggle. And he smiled at her and and they walked in together. He squeezed her hand, smiled and made his way to the boys dorms.

“Did you have fun on your date then?” a snide voice asked.

“Even you can’t ruin my mood Potter,” she said, sinking into the couch. 

“What’s Prewett got that I don’t have?” he demanded. 

“Well there is the fact that he isn’t a giant tosser,” Lily said. “I think he has that going for him. 

“Ah balls,” James said, rudely. 

* * *

_Early Sixth Year_

“But why?” Lily asked slowly. 

“I don’t think you’re very interested in me anymore,” Gideon said. And much to her horror Lily found herself agreeing with him. Because lately she had only been able to think about one person and unfortunately he was not her very nice and very dependable boyfriend.

“Its for the best I suppose,” she said. And he kissed her cheek. 


	3. Dominic Blake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Lily makes some very bad decisions

“So the first time you’ve been single in years,” Alice said. “Not that I don’t love Gideon but it’s a nice change not to be the only person not having sex in a dorm full of slags. 

“Oi I heard that,” Marlene said, sticking her tongue out. 

“Oh you’re as slaggy as they come Marls,” Alice said. 

“Ah well,” Marlene said, not too fussed. “I know how to have fun.” 

“James Potter though?” Lily asked. “Really?” 

“He’s fit,” Marlene said pouting. “I mean have you seen those Quidditch toned abs? He’s practically lickable.” 

“Lickable isn’t a word,’ Lily said. “And never one I’d apply to James Potter. He’s messy, arrogant and probably smelly too.” 

“He smells wonderful,” Marlene said. “Like pure man.” 

“So like sweat and a Quidditch pitch,” Lily said dryly. 

“And it wasn’t anything serious,” Marlene said. “After all we know that there’s only one girl he has eyes for.” She looked at Lily suggestively, who mock glared at her.

“James just likes winding me up,” she said. “It’s been his hobby since First Year.” 

“Oh please you know that’s bollocks,” Mary chimed in. “Did you not hear his ‘Ode to Her Eyes’ that time he had too much Firewhiskey.” 

“I did unfortunately,” she said. “Keats he most certainly is not.” 

Well anyway,” Alice said. “Regardless of his general git-ishness, James certainly knows how to throw a party. So you know where you’re going to be tonight don’t you?” 

“Don’t even say it,” Lily said warningly. 

“Come on Lily,” Mary said, pleadingly. “Gryffindor Quidditch parties are the best.” 

“I’m a prefect,” she said. “Just because I tacitly condone these parties doesn’t mean I should attend one.” 

“That’s a terrible excuse,” Marlene said. “Lupin comes to all the parties. He probably helps organise them.” 

Lily felt her heart speed up a little when she heard the name Lupin. It wasn’t her fault that she had fallen for him. They just happened to get paired up on rounds and at first she had been as cold and distant one must be when interacting with a Marauder, but he successfully broke her down with his odd sense of humour and constant supply of chocolate. 

“You just got dumped,” Alice said, not mincing her words. “We’re going show you how to have a good time.” 

“Correction,” Marlene said with a giggle. “Me and Mary are going to show both of you how to have a good time. 

“Tart,” Alice said. 

“Prude,” Marlene shot back. 

This could be fun, Lily thought. And even if this night turned out to be terrible she could always find a good spot and stare at Remus for the duration. 

Unfortunately that wasn’t quite how the night turned out. She got stuck into a bottle of Firewhiskey quite early in the party and didn’t manage to get unstuck quickly enough. 

“Evans,” Black’s voice came booming over the room. “I see you’ve decided to let your hair down a bit.” 

“Ah screw you Black,” she said, her words slurring a little. 

He came and sat next to her, bouncing up and down like an overexcited puppy. 

“So obviously you aren’t being Miss Perfect Prefect anymore,” he said. “So do you want to play a drinking game?” 

“I might be a little drunk, Black,” she said, her words continuing to slur. “But I’m not a complete and utter moron.” 

“It’ll be fun,” he said. “We’re playing Never-Have-I-Ever. You should win it easy considering you’re a prude.” 

“Fine,” she said. “But you’ll have to help me get up.” 

“As you wish your highness,” he said.

Lily unsteadily made her way over to the group of people sitting on the floor in a circle. 

“What did he do to get you here?” an amused voice said in her ear. “Blackmail?” 

“Remus,” she gasped, blushing a little. “I didn’t-“

“Didn’t think I involved myself in such mundane acts of debauchery?” he said, sounding annoying amused. “I’m afraid when you have friends like mine-“ 

“We’re starting,” Sirius said imperiously. “Stop flirting you two.” 

He handed out shot glasses and expertly filled them with an amber liquid. 

“Never have I ever,” James started, “had sex in a broom cupboard.” 

Sirius and Marlene’s glasses glowed and they threw their shots back. 

“It does that?” Lily asked horrified. 

“Sirius enchanted it,” Remus said with a shrug. “You can’t lie.” 

“That’s not how Muggles play it,” Lily said. 

“Never have I ever intentionally skipped a Transfiguration class,” Remus said when it was his turn. 

“Boring,” James said giving him a thumbs down. “You can do better than that Mooney.” 

“Alright,” he said. “Never have I ever accidentally set myself on fire while asking a girl out on a date.” 

“Low blow Mooney,” James said as his glass lit up. 

Lily had started giggling uncontrollably because that had to be one her favourite James Potter memories. Not that she had a list. 

“Your turn Lily,” James said, after he was done downing her shot. 

“Um never have I ever lied to someone I wanted to get together with,” she said. 

Rather predictably Black’s glass lit up and much to her horror so did Remus’. James’ glass remained resolutely normal looking, much to her grudging admiration. 

“Never have I ever written a dirty letter,” Marlene said. 

“Go Evans,” Sirius said appreciatively as her glass lit up. “I’d like to read that.” 

“See you’re secretly just as slaggy as the rest of us,” Marlene said. 

The game broke up after Peter vomited all over Dorcas Meadows who just stared at him rather blankly before chundering herself. 

Lily made a hasty getaway before anyone could start projectile vomiting on her. 

“You can really hold your liquor,” Dominic Blake said with a degree of admiration. 

“I can’t really,” she said with a giggle. “I am completely trashed. I’ve never actually been this drunk in my life.” 

“Do you reckon we should help Lupin, Potter and Black with the cleanup?” he asked. 

“Nah, its their party,” she said. “Their responsibility.” 

“So I heard that you and Prewett are…” he trailed off uncomfortably. 

“Done?” she said bluntly. “Merlin the speed at which news travels around this school is mind-boggling.” 

“So you really are?” he asked. “Done I mean.” 

“Why do you want to ask me out?” she said, alcohol making her rather more direct than usual. At the back of her head she vaguely knew that he had a girlfriend, so he probably wasn’t asking her out, but she pushed that thought away. 

“I might,” he said and then without really asking, bent down and kissed her. 

And being a teenager who was suffering from a case of unrequited like, she threw caution to the wind and kissed this boy, who she really didn’t care for.  
They made their way to the couch, which was surprisingly unoccupied. He kissed her sloppily. They weren’t the best kisses but they were still kisses. Which meant she wasn’t a complete troll even though Remus didn’t seem to see that. She had flirted quite a bit with him, even before Gideon dumped her. And nothing. He was polite of course, but he never seemed to reciprocate anything. 

The boy currently on top of her however was certainly reciprocating. And doing so with no little enthusiasm. His hands fumbled around the edge of her t-shirt, but she moved them up. Undeterred he moved upward until his hands came to rest on her breasts. He’s rather grabby she thought to herself but then was distracted by his mouth practically engulfing hers. 

After that she vaguely remembered Alice pulling him off her and taking her up to the dormitory. 

“Are you alright?” Alice asked her. 

“Not really,” Lily said, her tongue feeling much too large for her mouth. “I think I’m going to throw up.” 

Alice hurried her to the bathroom where Lily proceeded to vomit most of what she had eaten that day into the toilet. 

“You’re going to feel like a bag of doxy droppings in the morning,” Alice said, rubbing her friend’s back 

Lily just groaned. 

Lily woke up the next morning with the hangover of the century. Her head felt like it was being attacked by thousands of cornish pixies and she grimaced as the events of last night came rushing back. 

“Alice,” she groaned to the sleeping form of her best friend who for some reason was curled up next to her. “Ali-i-ice.” 

“It’s a Sunday,” Alice mumbled. “Go away.” 

While attempting to get up Lily rolled out of the bed and on to the floor with a thump. 

“Ow,” she said, rather pathetically. 

She made her way to the bathroom, which smelled of sick. She had an awful feeling it was hers. After washing her face and attempting to perform some basic air freshening spells she decided to head to the Great Hall for some coffee. 

“You might not want to do that,” a distinctly amused voice said, as she was leaving the Common Room. 

“And why not Black?” she asked tiredly, 

“Because Sheila Fitzpatrick is waiting outside for you and she looks like she means business,” Sirius said with a smirk. Lily wanted to kick herself when she remembered that Sheila Fitzpatrick was Dominic Blake’s (now possibly ex) girlfriend.

“I really can’t catch a break can I?” Lily groaned sinking into the sofa next to him. 

“You seemed to be having the time of your life yesterday,” Sirius said, looking entirely too chipper for someone who had drunk his bodyweight in tequila the night before. 

“Don’t remind me,” she said. “All I remember is hands. I don’t know why Sheila’s so pissed. He has more arms than the Giant Squid.” 

“And I do want a copy of that dirty letter,” he said. 

“Merlin what did I say last night?” Lily asked, semi-horrified. 

“We played a very interesting game of Never Have I Ever,” Sirius said with a smile.  
“It was illuminating.”  
“Sod off Black,” Lily said, half-heartedly smacking him on the arm. 

“And to think I was going to offer you my protection from Fitzpatrick,” Sirius said, chuckling. 

“Well I had better go face the music,” Lily said, getting up. 

“Good luck,” Sirius said. “And protect the face. Always protect the face.”

“YOU WHORE.” A positively banshee-like scream was practically thrown in Lily’s face. 

Lily winced, her head pounding. “Look Sheila I am-“ 

“DO YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST SNOG OTHER PEOPLE’S BOYFRIENDS AND GET AWAY WITH IT,” Sheila screamed ignoring Lily’s rather pathetic attempts at an apology.

“I swear I didn’t mean to-“ 

“YOU BITCH,” Sheila yelled, completely, losing it and barreling towards Lily. 

Lily put her arm up to cover her face and her last thought before Sheila slammed into her was, Merlin, I’m taking advice from Black.


	4. Remus Lupin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Lily gets her heart broken

“Do you think we’ve just gotten better at finding them or everyone’s just...” 

“Its our last year of freedom,” Remus said, grinning at her. “We have to knuckle down. Pass our NEWTs, get jobs. Everyone’s getting all of…this..out of their system.” 

“I’m not,” Lily mumbled. “After the last time-“ 

“I can see how that might be a bit off putting,” Remus said, his rather adorable smile making her want to just kiss him right there. 

There was something about Remus that sort of crept up on you. Sure Black and Potter were more obviously good looking. Potter had that whole Quidditch swagger thing going for him and years of Quidditch training had given him a rather enviable body. And Black was…well…beautiful. He had dark hair that fell rather sexily into his eyes and sharp handsome features. 

Remus on the other hand was a little on the skinny side, despite his never ending supply of chocolate. His light brown hair already had a little grey in it. But Lily still enjoyed looking at his face, with its laugh lines and permanently amused expression. His green eyes, so different from hers were always calm and for some reason she felt less on edge around him. 

“Earth to Lily,” he said, waving a hand in front of her face. 

“Sorry,” she said, with a slight blush. “I was thinking.” 

“About what?” he asked. 

“Oh you know,” she said vaguely. “Just this and that.” And you she added silently. 

“Do you want to continue putting people in detention for taking their clothes off in broom cupboards or should we skive off rounds?” he asked, smiling a rather naughty smile. 

“Potter and Black’ve been a bad influence on you,” she mock scolded. 

“That’s entirely true,” he said, with a grin that was oddly reminiscent of Sirius Black’s. 

He tapped the wall with his wand thrice and it opened up into a dark passageway. 

“Ready?” he asked, holding his hand out. 

She took it, feeling a jolt of excitement as his fingers touched hers. 

“As I’ll ever be,” she said. 

“Merlin,” she said, panting as he led her through a myriad of passageways. “I never even knew half of these existed.” 

“Perks of being paired with a Marauder,” Remus said, but she was only half listening, because Remus was actually holding her hand. Sure it might partly be because these passages were tricky and he didn’t want to lose her, but he was still holding her hand. 

“Where are you taking me?” she asked. 

“Just wait,” he said. “Its worth it.” 

“Are you taking me to some secret Marauder hideout?” she asked. 

“Ma-a-ay-be,” he said. 

They finally reached, what Lily was pretty sure was the dungeons, but it didn’t have that dank smell. 

Remus went up to a wall and muttered something. It opened up to reveal a cozy looking room with mismatched pillows and comfortable blankets. 

“This is domestic,” she said. 

Remus just smiled and pointed his wand at the fireplace. “Incendio,” he said, and a fire started crackling happily in the grate. 

“So do you want Butterbeer or something stronger?” he asked, riffling through a box at the far end of the room. 

“Butterbeer thanks. This place looks far too clean to be inhabited by four boys,” Lily said, settling down on to a cushion. “I mean you should hear the horror stories Marlene has about your dormitory.” 

“Oh we’re very tidy,” he said, handing her a bottle of Butterbeer. “Besides we have to keep it clean. The House Elves don’t come for a weekly cleaning down here.” 

“So am I the only non-Marauder to ever come here?” she asked. 

“Yes,” he said. “So don’t tell anyone. Sirius’ll kill me.” 

“Its nice,” she said, happily. “Cozy.” 

“Pumpkin Pasty?” he asked, offering her one. 

“This is insane,” she said. “I should’ve made friends with you ages ago.” 

“James would’ve been happy,” Remus said, his mouth twitching a little as he suppressed a giggle at what Lily’s constant presence would have no doubt done to James’ nerves. 

“Not the rest of them,” she said a little sharply. “Just you.” 

“The rest of them are rather nice people,” Remus said mildly. “You just have to get to know them.” 

“I doubt that’s going to happen Lily said. “I can’t get a word out without Potter asking me on a date or Black making suggestive comments.” 

“You know Sirius only does that because he knows it ticks you off,” Remus said. 

“And James…well…James is in love with you. And he’s become a lot better now.” 

“Is he really…” she started. 

“In love with you?” he said. “Very much so.” 

“But he doesn’t even know me,” she said. “There isn’t much…” 

“You’re joking aren’t you?” Remus said, with a slightly twisted laugh. “You’re Lily Evans.” 

“Practically-Perfect-In-Every-Way,” she sighed. “I’ve heard that before. And it’s so blatantly untrue-“ 

“He knows you aren’t perfect,” Remus said. “He’s just…in love with you. He’s in love with the way you get annoyed every time someone makes fun of Roseanne McDougal’s teeth, the way you purse your lips when you’re trying not to say something rude, when you blow your hair away from your face sort of absentmindedly when you’re concentrating really hard and how you go into a rage when Avery’s around and threaten to hex his bollocks off. He’s in love with you Lily Evans. And it doesn’t hurt that you’re pretty easy on the eyes.” He was breathing a little heavily after his speech as if he just got an awful lot off his chest.

“Has James told you all of this,” Lily asked quietly, not breaking eye contact with him. 

Remus didn’t answer her but the air remained thick with tension. 

“Remus I-“ she started. 

“I know,” he said, his voice almost a whisper. “And it’s killing me.” 

“Is this because of James?” she asked. 

“I wish,” he said. “I wish the only reason I couldn’t be with you is because my best friend is in love with you.” 

“I don’t understand,” she said, feeling a little lightheaded. “Do you like me Remus?” 

He let out a laugh that was entirely without mirth. “Like you?” he said incredulously. “Lily I don’t think that quite covers it.” 

“James’ll understand,” she pleaded. 

“You should be with someone like James,” he said, a little bitterly. “Someone good. Someone whole.” 

“You’re every bit as good as James Potter,” she said sharply, hiding the hurt she felt. Because after months of wishing Remus would confess his feelings for her it was suddenly all happening too fast and entirely in the wrong way. 

“But I’m not,” he said softly. “Because all I can think of now is kissing you, and if I do that I’ll be a much worse person than I am already.” 

“You’ve had girlfriends before,” she said, trying to keep the hint of desperation out of her voice. “Why am I different?”  
“Because they don’t mean half as much as you do,” he said, his voice not entirely even. “You aren’t someone I want to spend a couple of minutes in a broom closet with, you mean a lot to me Lily.” 

“Shut up,” she said and pulled him towards her. 

She gently pressed her lips to his, unsure if he would respond. But he did, and as their kiss deepened she felt her chest expanding like it was going to burst. She dragged her fingers through his brown hair and suddenly they were so close together she could practically feel his heart racing. 

“I’m sorry,” he said pulling away after what was either an eternity or a millisecond. “I shouldn’t have.” 

“Well in all fairness I did sort of attack you,” Lily said, the electric feeling that the kiss had given her still running through her system. 

“Nothing more can happen between us,” he said, breaking her heart a little. “We’ll go on rounds, be friend. I really want to be your friend Lily. And you’re going to find someone incredible and brilliant and who truly deserves you. You’re going to fall in love and be very very happy. And you’re going to forget about me and all of this because I don’t deserve you.” 

They sat in silence for the next twenty minutes, both of them too scared to move in case it upset the delicate balance that had just been reestablished, before leaving for their Common Room, rather sadder than they had been when they left.


	5. James Potter Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Lily realises that James Potter isn't the prat she thought he was.

“Oi Evans,” Black yelled. They were standing on the platform and Lily had been soaking it all in. Her last year at Hogwarts. Her last time leaving for Hogwarts as a student. She tried not to show it but Lily Evans had a sentimental streak a mile wide. And she was therefore rather annoyed that Black was interrupting her soaking. 

“What d’you want Black,” she said aggrievedly. 

“James forgot this, the tosser,” he said. “He got on the train already and his mum ran through the barrier to give it to me.” 

Black held out a red and gold badge that said Quidditch Captain on it. 

“He forgot his Captain’s badge?” Lily said, surprised. “I thought he slept with that thing on. And anyway why are you giving it to me?” 

“Oh you don’t know yet do you?” Sirius asked, smiling rather deviously. “Oh this is going to be fun.” 

“Know what you lunatic?” she asked. 

“You’ll find out soon enough,” he said rather enigmatically, put the badge in her hand and then walked off smirking. 

“I swear he gets stranger by the second,” Lily muttered to herself.

“Talking to yourself Lily?” someone said rather amusedly from behind her. 

“Marls,” Lily said excitedly spinning around. “How was summer? Did you go to France? I mean considering all the letters I sent you and their length, you could’ve at least replied with more than three word answers.” 

“Sorry Lily,” she said. “You know I’m terrible at keeping in touch. And France was brilliant. And the blokes weren’t too shabby either.” 

“You’re a slaggy slag,” Lily said with a laugh. 

“And you’re jealous,” Marlene said, not at all offended. 

Although she just laughed that comment off Lily was privately a little jealous of Marlene. Lily had spent most of her life trying to do the right thing, and lately she had started wondering whether or she had an accurate idea about was right and what wasn’t. And there was something oddly free about Marlene. She didn’t try to impress anyone and she certainly didn’t do what she did for attention. She did it because she wanted to. Because she enjoyed it. And sometimes Lily wished she did a few more things that she enjoyed. 

“See you got the badge,” Marlene said, pointing at Lily's chest. 

“I honestly didn’t think I would,” she admitted. “I mean Remus is definitely the more obvious candidate isn’t he? And they never pick Heads from the same house.” 

“They might,” Marlene said, casually. “And he’s still a prefect even if he isn’t Head Boy and you can still drool over him at prefect meetings.” 

“I do not-“ Lily started indignantly. 

“Oh Remus,” Marlene said, with an affected air. “What do you think of the seventeenth use of dragons blood?” 

“There are only twelve uses of dragons blood,” Lily said, a little more worried about her friend’s lack of knowledge than her mocking of her love life. “And Remus and I are never going to happen.” 

“But that doesn’t make it any easier to forget about him does it?” Marlene said, rather wisely. 

“Black was acting really strange today,” Lily said, with a frown. “He handed me this.” 

“Its Potter’s Quidditch badge,” Marlene said, after close inspection. “I thought he never went anywhere without it. Hey maybe it’s a weird ploy to get you to go out with him.” 

“He hasn’t asked me out since fifth year,” Lily said. “I highly doubt that’s it.” 

“Oh well,” Marlene said. “Shall we?” 

The two girls hauled their trunks on to the train and found a compartment. 

“I have to go,” Lily said apologetically, after dumping her trunk on the bag rack. “We have a meeting.” 

“Go go,” Marlene said, waving her hand. “Be the brave and brilliant leader of this school. Onwards and upwards and everything in between.” 

“You really are mental,” Lily said with a giggle. 

“Oh and if you find Alice or Mary tell them to come keep me company,” Marlene called after her. 

Lily walked up to the prefects’ compartment feeling rather more nervous than she had any right to feel. After all, she told herself quite sternly, she had done this several times before. And being head girl wasn’t all that different from being prefect. She plastered a smile on her face and walked in. 

“Hello everyone,” she started, her voice cheery. But then suddenly she spotted someone who was most certainly not supposed to be here. “What are you doing here Potter?” 

“Well I guess…” he sounded a little sheepish. 

“Yes?” she asked, a tad more snappy than she might have been with anyone else. 

“Er...” 

“Spit it out Potter,” she said. 

“What he’s trying to say Lily,” said Remus, who had a terribly mischievous expression on his face. “With very little success, is that he’s Head Boy.” 

Although Lily subconsciously knew this was the case for several seconds now, her brain still couldn’t process it properly. She found herself clenching her fists unconsciously. It was only when she felt something prick her hand did she realized that she still had James’ Quidditch badge. 

She handed it to him, and for some reason there was an air of surrealism around the action. Because James Potter was Head Boy. 

* * *

“And what’s worse is that he doesn’t even try anything mad anymore,” Lily said crossly. “So every time I accidentally snap at him people look at me like I’m crazy. I don’t exactly mean to yell at him all the time but its _Potter_.”

“You do know you’re ridiculous don’t you?” Alice said with a laugh. “He’s being nice you idiot. Be nice back.” 

“And then there’s Severus just staring at me and I just want him to not stare and just be Severus again but he can’t because he’s got Mulciber and Avery and Rookwood breathing down his neck and telling him to stay away from the filthy Mudblood.” 

“Evans,” Black said, interrupting what would have undoubtedly been a long rant about Severus Snape and his Death Eater friends. 

“I’m busy Black,” she said, spearing a piece of chicken with her fork.

“No you aren’t,” Black said. “And I think it’s high time you started calling me Sirius.” 

"You call me Evans,” she pointed out. 

“Only sometimes,” he said. 

“Yeah and the other times you call me Ginger. Which is very imaginative by the way.” 

“Anyway,” he said. “I need to ask you a favour. Pr-James has rounds tonight with Melinda Hammersmith.” 

“He does,” she said, slowly, and a little suspiciously. 

“Well Melly wants night off. She’s having family troubles,” he said smoothly. “But James is refusing to switch. Kept muttering something about schedules. It’s tragic really. He’s turning into you.” 

“I’m not an idiot,” Lily said. “Family troubles my arse. You just want to find a broom closet and well…do broom closet-y things.” She ended rather lamely.

“Come on Lily,” Sirius said cajolingly. “Its just one night and Melinda’s fit.” 

“And much too good for you,” Lily said. 

“I’ll owe you,” he said, persuasively. “Anything you want.” 

“Anything?” Lily asked, her mouth curving into a rather naughty smile. 

“Okay maybe not anything,” Sirius said, backtracking rather hastily. “But can you please get James to swap? I will love you forever and ever.” 

“Fine,” Lily sighed. “I’ll talk to him.”

* * *

“Oi Potter,” she said, when she saw him walking past her in the corridor. “I’ve succumbed to Black’s entreaties and you now have Pandora Meadows as your rounds partner.” 

“You changed the schedule?” James asked, an eyebrow raised. “For Sirius?” 

“Well he looked so damn pathetic and Melly really is too good for him. If he gave her time she’d probably decide she could do better.” 

“Unlikely,” James said, but he had a distinctly amused expression on his face.

“What?” Lily asked. 

“You like Sirius,” he said, as if he was just discovering something rather pleasant. 

“No I don’t,” Lily said quickly. “Would I really be setting him up with Melly if I did?” 

“You aren’t really setting him up with Melly,” James pointed out. “He did that all on his ownsome. And I didn’t mean you were in love with Sirius I mean that you liked him. As a human being.” 

“Oh,” Lily said. “Well everyone likes Sirius, even if they don’t want to admit it.” 

“But you still loathe me don’t you?” he asked, but for some reason he didn’t seem too upset. 

“I don’t loathe you Potter,” Lily said with a sigh. “I just find you incredibly annoying.” 

“Like that’s much better,” James said wryly. 

“It is,” she said. “I loathe Mulciber. I loathe Avery and I loathe Rookwood the most honestly. But I don’t loathe you.” 

“Thanks,” he said. “You like me more than you like soon-to-be-if-not-already Death Eaters. That’s a smashing compliment.” 

“I wasn’t trying to compliment you Potter,” she said, snappily. 

“So you find me incredibly annoying but not Sirius?” he asked. 

“Well Black didn’t ask me out as a joke for three years straight now did he?” she said, but there wasn’t any spite in her words, much to both her and James’ surprise. 

“I haven’t asked you out recently have I?” he said.

“The night’s still young Potter,” she said, and she suddenly realised that she may or may not have just accidentally flirted with James Potter. 

“That’s true,” he said, his trademark grin appearing on his face. 

“So have fun with Pandora,” she said quickly, attempting to brush the weirdness of the situation aside. 

James groaned. “Are you sure you don’t loathe me?” he asked rather pitifully. 

“Pandora’s not too bad,” she said, defending the Ravenclaw prefect. 

“Last week she told me that she didn’t believe in hummingbirds,” James said, looking a little panicked. “I mean it’s one thing not to like them but to just dismiss them as being a hoax is entirely another.” 

“You’ll survive a night,” Lily said, trying to sound utterly unsympathetic and cold but laughing a little instead. She felt a warm feeling spread from her stomach through her whole body. He was just a little cute when he was flustered. 

“That’s what you think,” James said, mock ominously. “If I turn up tomorrow with no ears and four toes you’ll know what happened.” 

“What could possibly happen that would involve you losing several body parts?” Lily asked, amused in spite of herself. 

“You don’t want to know,” James said, shaking his head mournfully. “You don’t want to know.”

* * *

“Thanks for that mate,” Sirius said, when James got back late that night.

“Don’t even start,” James said warningly. “D’you know who I got instead? Pandora Meadows. Meadows Padfoot. She’s insane and she kept talking about something called a Blibbering Humdinger.” 

“So you had fun then,” Sirius said with a snort. 

“Oh yes definitely way more fun than you,” James said dryly, noting the rather large hickey on his best friend’s neck.

* * *

“He’s not all that bad I guess,” Lily said thoughtfully as she walked past a tapestry of dancing trolls with Remus in tow.

“Finally warming up to him?” Remus asked with a smile. 

“Well not quite enough to give you up as a rounds partner just yet,” Lily said. 

“Though after what I did yesterday I suppose I do owe him a little.” 

“That was just cruel,” Remus said. “He’s deathly afraid of Pandora. Has been ever since she told him his aura smelled like rotten eggs and then smacked him over the head with her newspaper.” 

“Well I didn’t know that,” Lily said, starting to laugh. 

“Would you have let him off duty if you had,” Remus asked curiously. 

“Nope,” Lily said. “It’s just too good.I mean the big bad Quidditch Captain scared of tiny, insane Pandora Meadows? Come on, are you telling me that doesn’t tickle your funny bone? At least a little?” 

“You really aren’t all that nice,” Remus said jokingly. “I mean people always go on and on about how nice Lily Evans, perfect head girl is…but really you’re just as evil as Sirius.” 

“You take that back Remus Lupin,” she gasped in mock outrage. 

“But on a different note I am happy y’know, that you’ve softened up to James,” he  said.

“Really?” she asked. 

“He’s a good bloke,” Remus said. 

“I think I know that,” she said slowly. It was strange but she had been forcing herself not to smile through the whole conversation with Remus. She wasn’t quite certain why. Maybe she still had lingering feelings for him. But whatever it was, chatting about James Potter had made her feel rather happy.

* * *

“Filled in all the paperwork yet?” James asked. Lily was sitting in front of the fire with a pile of prefect’s reports in her lap. It was nearly midnight and the Common Room was deserted.

“Huh?” she asked. She had been on the verge of dozing off.

“Merlin you’re useless Evans,” he said, but there was that distinct lack of spite that had been rather characteristic of their conversations of late. He slid into the seat next to her and grabbed a couple of sheets off the top of her pile. 

“You don’t need to do that,” she said, rubbing her eyes. “I mean it’s my turn.” 

“Considering half of these are about Sirius I think I can lighten your load a little bit,” he said. 

“I haven’t noticed you on these lists of late,” she said. 

“Corruption,” he said with an easy grin. 

“I see why he made you Head Boy now,” she said suddenly. 

“Do enlighten me,” he said flippantly. “I remain in the dark.” 

“You do better with responsibility,” she said. “I didn’t realise it before but you got Quidditch Captain last year and you didn’t kick up nearly as much fuss.” 

“Excuse me,” James said rather indignantly. “Who doused everyone in that pink goo  on Valentine’s Day last year?"

“Yeah but that was harmless,” she said dismissively. 

“Tell that to Filch,” he said darkly. “Still can’t feel my arm properly what with all the polishing he made me do.” 

“Well you also did send those howling valentines to the Slytherin Quidditch team. Even Flitwick couldn’t get them to shut up for hours.” 

“Don’t think he tried very hard,” James said. “Ravenclaw had just lost to Slytherin rather badly.” 

“But I’m serious,” Lily persisted. “I mean you still pull ridiculous stunts but you’re better. Less reckless I guess.” 

“Maybe,” James said, quite uncharacteristically agreeing with her.

“Heavens,” she said, sifting through the pile of documents. “Did Black really vanish all of Mrs. Norris’ fur?” 

“He got caught too, the idiot,” James said, seeming more disappointed with his mate’s inability to successfully avoid trouble than the actual trouble itself. 

“I have to admit, when you were involved there was more nuance to the schemes,’ she said. “Some of these are fairly amateur.” 

“Was that a compliment Evans?” he asked, a hint of amusement in his voice. “Do you miss wild and carefree James?”

“Oh definitely not,” she said. “What sort of Head Girl would I be if I encouraged your nefarious activities?” 

“That’s true,” James said and shifted a little in his seat as if making himself comfortable. “It’s going to be a long night. I don’t think wild and carefree James would be up to this anyway.” He ran his hand through his already messy hair but for some reason the action didn’t bother Lily as much as it used to. It was almost…attractive. And that was when she realised that she had a little tiny crush on James Potter. 

“He hasn’t disappeared though has he?” Lily asked, feeling become rather flushed. She wasn’t certain if it was because she was embarrassed by the revelation or if it was because she had finally identified the warm feeling she felt whenever she saw him or talked about him. “Wild and carefree James? Because he was actually quite a lot of fun.” 

“Really?” James asked surprised. “I always thought you hated him.” 

Lily scrunched up her nose. “I never really hated him,” she said carefully. “I just…” 

“Loathed him, detested him,” James said, but there wasn’t even a hint of malice in his tone. 

“Hey he always threw great parties,” she said with a laugh. “Even if I made fairly terrible decisions during them.” 

“Just for that I am going to throw the biggest party you have ever been to,” James said, a wicked glint in his hazel eyes.

“And get us impeached,” she said. “No thank you.” 

“Did McGonagall ever catch us?” he asked. 

“I think she just chose to ignore it because you’re so good at Transfiguration,” Lily said wryly. 

“Well I haven’t gotten any worse,” James said, his generous mouth turning up into a wide smile. “I can still charm the pants off her.” 

“Transfigure them more likely,” Lily giggled, the late hour and lack of sleep getting to her. 

“So are we on then?” James asked. “Two Fridays from now. I need time to plan. I have to show everyone I haven’t become a stick in the mud.” 

“Sirius did tell me you were in danger of becoming a carbon copy of me,” Lily said mock seriously. “So I do suppose you have to protect your reputation.” 

“That I do,” James agreed, his voice warm. “That I do.”

* * *

“You’re excited,” Alice noted shrewdly. 

Lily cursed the day she had decided to become friends with someone so perceptive. Knowing that there was no lying to Alice, she forced herself to smile brightly. 

“I think I might need to blow off some steam,” she said. “Head Girl-ing is harder than I thought it would be.” 

“Blow off some steam or just blow someone?” Marlene asked. “Its been centuries since you’ve done anything exciting.” 

“Well it didn’t go very well the last time I tried,” Lily said ruefully. 

“Dominic Blake is an arse,” Marlene said bluntly. “You can’t let him ruin all men for you.” 

“I just haven’t found anyone I like,” Lily said defending herself weakly because now that she had acknowledged the fact she had a crush on James, he was practically all she could think about. Meetings had just been a disaster. She found herself stumbling over words and missing large portions of information because she was so distracted by him. She noticed everything now. That he rubbed his nose absentmindedly when he was thinking, that he smiled a little half smile whenever Remus pulled out chocolate, that he was always trying to get a crick out of his neck and she just wanted to press it until he felt better. It was maddening. 

Lily pulled down the black dress she had borrowed from Marlene after her friend had declared that everything she owned was too prudish. It was far too short but at least it didn’t reveal too much cleavage. 

“You look great,” Marlene said, swatting her hand. “Stop fidgeting.” 

“I am not fidgeting,” Lily said, trying to be dignified. “I am merely attempting to preserve my modesty.” 

Marlene just snorted. She was wearing a clingy red number that was even shorter than the dress she had loaned Lily. She looked knockout gorgeous and Lily felt a stab of envy. No one would look at her twice when her best friend with the blonde hair that cascaded down her back and a perfect hourglass figure was in her vicinity.

“Can we get down now?” Marlene asked. “I want to get some of the good liquor. I even heard Sirius managed to get his hands on some Muggle alcohol.” 

“James did say it was going to be the biggest party I’d ever been to,” she said. 

Alice looked at her strangely. 

“What?” Lily asked, feeling a little self-conscious.

“Nothing,” she said. “You just usually call him Potter. Or That Toerag.” 

“Well I suppose all the working together…” Lily trailed off awkwardly. “It’s nothing.” 

“Alright,” Alice said, sounding distinctly unconvinced. 

The party was already in full swing when they got there. The Marauders must’ve put some fairly impressive silencing charms up because the music was blaring. 

“Lily!” 

“Hello Remus,” Lily said, accepting the drink he was holding out. 

“You look lovely,” he said, smiling at her. 

“As do you,” she said, taking a long sip. 

“I am quite glad you came,” he said. “When James told me you had signed off on this, I was skeptical to say the least.” 

“Everyone needs to have fun,” Lily said with a shrug. “And you lot seem to know how to make sure everyone has plenty of it.” 

“That is true,” Remus said dryly. His eyes wandered to the table in the centre of the room upon which Marlene and Sirius were both dancing vigorously. 

“They are a pair aren’t they,” Lily said with a chortle. 

“Can you imagine what would happen if they decided to join forces,” Remus asked. 

“It doesn’t even bear thinking about,” Lily said with a faux shudder. 

“How did you and I manage to find the people least like us to become friends with?” Remus asked, clearly amused. 

“The Sorting Hat,” Lily said. “It knew exactly what we needed.” 

“I see you made it Evans,” a warm voice said in her ear. She felt a shiver go down her spine. Of course it was James Potter. He seemed to be the only person capable of eliciting that reaction from her nowadays. 

“I did,” she said turning to look at him. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Remus making a strategic exit and blushed. 

“I didn’t think you would,” he said. There was something a little different about his voice and Lily realised he was nervous. 

“You did say you were throwing it for me,” Lily said, the Firewhiskey that Remus had given her already making a feel a little light-headed. Or maybe it was the fact that James Potter was staring into her eyes rather intensely. 

“You’ve just been a little different the last couple weeks,” he said carefully. 

Oh Merlin, Lily thought blushing furiously. He knows I like him. Of course he does, I turn into a tomato whenever he’s around. 

“I have?” she asked, keeping her tone even with difficulty.

“I mean I know you didn’t like me,” he said, rubbing the side of his nose. “But I thought we were becoming friends-“ 

“We are,” she quickly interjected. “Friends. I like you. As a friend.” 

“Oh,” he said, and she wasn’t sure if it was her imagination but she could’ve sworn he sounded a little disappointed. 

“Well it looks like a good party,” she said, desperate to change the subject. “You already have a couple of table dancers.” She gestured to Sirius and Marlene who looked like they were having a ball.

“What’s a party without table dancers,” James said, returning to his normal easygoing self immediately. 

“A boring one,” Lily said, intensely glad to be out of that conversation. She was very worried that if they continue talking about liking each other she would accidentally tell him that all she had wanted to do for the last two weeks was maul him in a broom closet. 

“Well enjoy yourself Evans,” he said. “There’s an open bar and plenty of tables to dance on.” 

He wandered away and Lily felt a little let down. She wasn’t quite sure what she had expected to happen but this wasn’t exactly it. He could’ve at least checked out her legs a little, she thought, a tad resentfully. She wasn’t one to toot her own horn but she thought they looked quite nice in Marlene’s dress. But whatever happened, she was going to enjoy herself. And to do so she needed more alcohol in her system quickly. 

The night passed by her in a blur. She did many shots with Gideon’s twin brother and licked salt off of Marlene’s neck at least twice. There was a messy game of spin the bottle where she refused to kiss anyone and so had to do a forfeit shot every time the bottle landed on her. She even climbed up on to the table and danced with Sirius, who whooped joyfully and spun her around in a way that was definitely unsafe. Exhausted but determined to find more alcohol she stepped off the table clumsily, only just righting herself in time. Sirius was not so smooth and ended up in a heap on the floor. 

“Sexy,” she said with a giggle, as she helped him up. 

“Always,” he said shooting a charming smile at her. 

“I want more to drink,” she said. “A good margarita might be nice.” 

“This is not that sort of party Evans,” Sirius laughed. “I can get you tequila but that’s about it.” 

Lily frowned. “I suppose that’ll have to do.” 

“Just squeeze some lime in it and pretend,” Sirius said with an attempt at a smirk that he couldn’t quite pull off in his inebriated state. 

Marlene had taken their place on the table and was dancing with a desperately uncoordinated Peter Pettigrew. 

“I am going to marry that girl one day,” Sirius said, his eyes moving appreciatively over Marlene’s curves. 

“You’ll have to get at the back of a very long line,” Lily said with a smile. 

“And what about you Evans?” he asked. “Anyone you want to-"

“Marry?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. “Not that I can think of.” 

“Are you sure?” Sirius teased. 

“Are you going to get me some tequila or are we just going to stand around chatting like old maids?” Lily asked waspishly. 

“Your wish is my command,” Sirius said, bowing theatrically. He must’ve gotten distracted because he was gone far too long and Lily decided that if she was going to be a strong independent woman she was just going to have to find her own alcohol. 

“Having a good time?” a voice said from behind her and she had to suppress a gasp. Merlin the boy was always sneaking up behind her. 

“I think I am,” she said, a wide smile spreading across her face. Because this was James who she definitely had a crush on and he was standing there, an adorable smile on his face, holding two glasses of tequila. 

“Sirius said you might want this,” he said, passing her a glass. 

She sipped it, immediately making a face. “It tastes much better when its a shot,” she said, and threw back the whole glass. 

“Merlin, slow down Evans,” James said with a laugh. 

“I don’t want to,” she pouted, the warmth of the alcohol spreading through her, making her feel reckless. “I’m always the cautious one, always the stick in the mud.” 

“I never thought you were a stick in the mud,” James said quietly. She didn’t know when it had happened but somehow they were standing so close she could feel his body heat emanating off him. 

“But I am,” she said softly, looking up into his hazel eyes, which had, if she was not mistaken, darkened a little. 

Then, only because he was so close, and because she had drunk her body-weight in alcohol, she stood on her tiptoes and…

Kissed his cheek. She hadn’t been aiming for his cheek but he had turned away and that was what she got. Feeling waves of humiliation wash over her she turned away and practically ran towards the girl’s dormitories. 

“Lily, wait,” his voice called behind her, and she felt a hand grasping at her wrist. 

“Let me go,” she said. To her horror she realised that her eyes were a little wet. 

She knew she wasn’t exactly the most desirable human in the world but she had thought that she was at least pretty enough to warrant one drunken kiss. But no, not even drunk James wanted to kiss her. James gently pulled her under the stairwell that led to the dorms. At least here they had some measure of privacy. Lily desperatelyhoped that no one had seen what had happened. James Potter had just rejected her in front of practically the whole of Gryffindor House. She was going to have to move to Prague to get away from the shame. She resolutely avoided eye contact, staring at his annoyingly toned chest instead. 

“Lily,” he said, gently. “Please look at me. 

She forced herself to look up. “I mean I know I’m not Marlene,” she said, her voice shaky. “But am I so terrible?” 

James cupped her cheek. He was looking into her eyes with such intensity, Lily wasn’t quite sure what to do. 

“You are not at all terrible,” he said. His voice was so low it was almost a growl. 

“Then why don’t you want to kiss me?” she asked. 

He snorted, and put a strong arm around her waist. His face was inches from hers. He was so close she could’ve counted his eyelashes if she really wanted to. 

“All I want to do Lily Evans is kiss you,” he said, the passion in his voice evident, even though he was almost whispering. “All I’ve wanted to do for years is kiss you. So when I do kiss you, it’s not going to be in the middle of a horrifyingly loud party. It’s not going to be because you’ve drunk so much alcohol you can barely see straight. You are going to remember our first kiss. It’s going to be tattooed into your brain.” 

Lily felt herself go weak at the knees. It was good that James was supporting her, she thought hazily, because she would’ve just fallen to the floor otherwise. 

“I have a crush on you,” she whispered. “You’re all I can think about and it's driving me crazy.” 

The smile that spread across his face was so joyful, Lily felt almost blinded by it. 

But all he said was, “Good.”

Then, after making sure she made her way up the stairs to the girls dorms, he turned around and walked away.

* * *

Lily moaned softly as she felt her hangover hit her. 

“I’m such an idiot,” she muttered to herself as she gingerly pulled herself out of bed. She clearly had no self control. ‘I am the world’s most terrible Head Girl.’ 

The rest of her dorm mates were still fast asleep. Marlene hadn’t even made it out of the red dress she had been wearing the night before. Lily quickly popped into the shower, desperately praying the hot water would take the throbbing in her head away. It didn’t, but at least it washed some of the stench of alcohol away. Lily could swear the smell was coming out of her pores. 

She pulled on her most comfortable sweatpants and baggiest, warmest jumper and made her way down to the Common Room, clutching a bad romance novel. It was all she had the wherewithal to read at the moment. She was expecting to be greeted by something akin to the aftermath of an earthquake but everything was immaculate. Well as immaculate as the Common Room ever got. As she collapsed into the couch there was a squawk and an owl landed on the table in front of her. It held out a leg expectantly and Lily pulled the note off it.

_Hope your head is alright. You drank an impressive amount last night. If you’re feeling up to it do you want to meet me in by the lake around noon? I don’t think either you or I will be feeling particularly human before then._ _-J_

Lily looked at her watch and cursed. It was already 11:50. She had to run if she wanted to get there on time. There certain wasn’t any time to change out of, what she realised now, were her most hideous clothes. Pulling her long hair out of the messy bun she had wrapped it into, she rushed through the hallways, desperately wishing her stomach would stop churning. She got there only five minutes after twelve, feeling hot, sweaty and distinctly unattractive. 

James was already waiting for her a grin on his face. “Did you run here?” he asked, but his tone wasn’t mocking. 

“Of course not,” Lily said, attempting to preserve some of her dignity. “You just chose the place that was the furthest from Gryffindor Tower. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. “But it’s quite a nice day. After the night we had I thought maybe fresh air wasn’t the worst idea.” His tone was oddly bashful and Lily couldn’t help but smile. 

“It was some night,” Lily said. “And fresh air is definitely welcome.” 

“Do you remember everything?” he asked, his tone casual but his eyes alert. 

“I think so,” Lily said softly. She had almost unconsciously begun moving closer to him and she realised he was doing the same. She felt an odd sense of deja vu, even though this was nothing like the stairs leading to the girls dorm. It was a perfect, sunny day and the lake in front of them gleamed brightly. But they were once again so close to each other they were almost touching. 

“You said you had a crush on me,” James said slowly. “Did you mean that?” 

Lily just nodded mutely. A smile spread across his face and he cupped her face in his hands. 

“I have a crush on you too,” he said, and then carefully, as if he didn’t want to scare her with any sudden movements, he leaned down and kissed her softly on the mouth. Lily let out something in between a gasp and a sigh and settled into his embrace. It was a perfect first kiss, soft, tender, but with a hint of the passion that would make second, third and however many kisses after that incredible. 


	6. James Potter Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Lily has the best sex of her life

Dating James Potter was certainly not something Lily had planned on doing ever. If she had made a list of people she would never date when she was fifteen, James Potter’s name would be right on top. Yet here she was, two months into a relationship with the boy who she had on more than one occasion referred to as ‘That Moron’. And she was loving it. He was a good boyfriend. Funny, gentle, kind. But the only problem she had was that, while they certainly showed each other plenty of…ah…physical affection, he hadn’t tried to have sex with her yet. She loved that he was cautious and careful with her but she really, really wanted to have sex with James Potter. The sex with Gideon had been alright. Certainly nothing to write home about. By the time she had decided she was ready they had already mostly fallen out of love and she had done it more because she wasn’t certain when someone she was so comfortable with would come along again. 

But now all she could think about was James lying on top of her, hair tousled, hardening and whispering dirtily in her ear as he… 

However, even after they had kissed and performed several other less family friendly acts, he didn’t seem to want to throw her down on a bed and have his wicked way with her. So Lily figured she would probably have to have her wicked way with him. 

Pandora Meadows really was a nut, James thought, but even though she had once smacked him over the head with a newspaper he was growing oddly fond of her. There was something oddly touching about her unshakable faith in things that most wizards and witches would agree didn’t exist. She was currently explaining to him in great detail how the Minister of Magic had an army of dragons. James smiled at her politely, aware that he didn’t really need to contribute anything to the conversation. He might have even zoned out a little. 

“Your aura doesn’t smell like rotten eggs anymore,” Pandora’s breathy voice said, and James was abruptly brought back down to Earth. 

“Uh… Thanks,” James said hesitantly. 

“I don’t quite know what’s changed,” she said, squinting her eyes a little. “Maybe-“ 

“James!” There was a shout from behind his and he spun around. Lily was gasping for breath, clearly having run from somewhere. 

“What’s wrong?” James asked, instantly worried. 

“It’s an emergency,” Lily said urgently. “McGonagall needs us in her office right away.” 

“Okay okay,” James said, wondering what McGonagall could possibly need at eleven in the night. “What about Pandora?” 

“Remus said he’d take your place,” Lily said. 

“That sounds good,” Pandora said, and for a second she lost the airy, fairy look that usually graced her face. She just looked amused, James thought, her pale blue eyes twinkling. 

Lily and James made their way down the corridor hurriedly. 

“So what’s the emergency?” he asked, as they walked. 

Lily had entirely lost the harried look she had worn and grinned at him naughtily. 

“I thought we could use a night off,” she said. 

“Lily Evans,” James said, holding his hand to his heart in mock outrage. They came to a halt. “Are you using your position as Head Girl to engage in nefarious behaviour?’ 

“You have corrupted me entirely,” Lily said, pulling his head down for a kiss. 

“I don’t know if I approve,” James murmured, but the arm he had wrapped around her waist tightened its hold. They kissed again, James gently nipping her lower lip and dragging his free hand through her unbound red hair. They broke apart, realising that the portraits on the walls were watching them with amusement. 

“Trust me,” she said, firmly taking his hand in hers. “You’re going to approve.” 

She led him to the seventh floor and walked past a blank wall three times. James was distracted by the tapestry opposite which seemed to depict a man trying to teach trolls how to do ballet. 

“Lily, what is-“ 

But he cut himself off when he saw that a door had appeared. 

“Shall we?” she asked. 

“How did I not know about this?” he muttered as they walked into a cosy room, with a fire crackling in the hearth. There was a large incredibly plush bed and not much else. 

“I am very good friends with a House Elf called Evie,” Lily said with a grin. “She’s been here longer than most professors. This room can be anything you want it to be.” 

“And you chose…” 

Lily smiled that incredibly naughty and almost painfully endearing smile again. Oh Merlin, James thought. This was all of his teenage fantasies made real. 

“I think maybe you should kiss me,” she said, as she wrapped her arms around him. 

“Gladly,” he whispered as he pressed his lips onto hers. 

Every time he kissed her he felt like a fire was lit in his stomach. All he could feel was her thick hair, tangled around his fingers, her breasts pressing into his chest and her mouth warm and inviting. Her presence made him feel almost inebriated. He clasped her body closer to his and moved one of his hands down to the curve of her bottom. She wanted him, he thought, the notion making him elated, even though there had been abundant proof over the last few months that she did. He lifted her up and her legs wrapped around his torso. He continued kissing her as he walked over to the bed. He then laid her down gently, taking a second to marvel in the picture of Lily Evans, lying down in front of him, her red hair fanning over the pillows and her eyes glazed with lust. Lust that she felt for him. 

“You are so beautiful,” he said, his voice low and thick with desire. He took his shirt off and was amused to see her eyes widen a little. 

“So are you,” she said. 

He really was beautiful, she thought hazily. His dark hair was rather sexily tousled and after years of Quidditch training his body was toned, yet not excessively muscled. Her eyes travelled up and down his torso and she could feel her body tightening with need. 

“James,” she said. He was just standing up there, looking at her and she wanted him to touch her. Almost as if she had broken a spell placed upon him, he quickly lay down next to her and continued kissing her. They embraced in a tangle of limbs and Lily straddled him, flipping a leg over his body. She moved her mouth to his neck and then his ear kissing and nipping him as she felt him becoming increasingly breathless. 

James, deciding that she had been in the drivers seat long enough, flipped her over so she was on her back. He quickly divested her of her shirt and bra. Once again, he wished he had more time to just look at her. A half-naked Lily was certainly something he had fantasised about before. But she was looking at him, with such need in her emerald green eyes, he couldn’t just stare at her like an idiot. So he bent his head down and took one of her nipples into his mouth. She moaned beneath him as he licked and sucked. He palmed her other breast in his free hand, teasing her nipple as she shuddered beneath him. 

“You are far too good at that,” she murmured. 

James lifted his face off her chest and gave her a positively wicked smile. “You haven’t seen anything yet,’ he said, his voice incredibly seductive. 

He kissed his way down her body until he met her skirt. Then, he reached down, and with almost painful slowness removed her tights from her body. He could feel her tense beneath him in anticipation as flipped her skirt up and bent his head between her legs. He felt her grasp his hair in her hands, and he placed a chaste kiss on her inner thigh. He kissed his way further upward, and then, when he reached her most sensitive area, he began gently probing her with his tongue. He was gratified to hear Lily gasp and, emboldened, he began licking and sucking with such intensity he could feel her shuddering with pleasure. Her hands were still gripping his hair and she pressed his face further into her, clearly revelling in the sensations his tongue was expertly providing. 

“James,” she moaned, as he used his fingers to tease her clit, while his tongue continued its intimate exploration. 

He lifted his head at her voice. “Had enough?” he asked, smiling up at her from between her legs. 

“Don’t you dare stop,” she said, breathily. 

James just laughed and continued. It felt like her whole body was on fire. Lily could barely stop herself from moaning steadily. On occasion, especially when his tongue reached a particularly sensitive spot, she would feel a current run through her body and would be entirely unable to to suppress a gasp of pleasure. Then, when she felt she could barely take it anymore, he began pumping a finger in and out of her, while still licking and laving her sex. 

She came while his mouth was still pressed into her and he almost groaned himself. She was so wet and she tasted so sweet. Her orgasm was like the cherry on top of an already ridiculously delicious cake. He almost went over the edge just feeling the aftershocks of her pleasure and realised that all he wanted to do in life now was make Lily come again and again. 

“That was…” Lily seemed lost for words. 

James slowly kissed his way up her body. The fact that her skirt was still bunched up around her waist was extraordinarily erotic for some reason and he felt a stab of desire in his chest. He had never wanted someone the way he wanted Lily. 

“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself,” he said, as he kissed her. 

Lily could taste herself on him and even though she had come mere seconds ago, she could feel herself getting aroused again. 

“You are far too good at all that,” she said. 

She could feel his hardness pressing into her stomach, and she realised that all she wanted now was to feel him inside her. She moved her hand down and began stroking him through the fabric of his trousers. 

“I think you’re wearing far too many clothes,” she said, as she heard his sharp intake of breath. His hazel eyes had darkened with lust and she continued teasing him. 

“You’re going to make me come in my trousers,” he warned, as he closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down. 

“I’d rather you came in me,” she said, as she began undoing his belt. 

His eyes snapped open. 

“Are you sure?” he asked. “We don’t have to.” 

“I’m sure,” she said firmly. 

He lifted himself off her for a second as he took his trousers off. Lily, deciding that, while wearing the skirt was oddly sexy, it would only just come in the way, removed that too. They were now both utterly and gloriously naked in front of each other. Lily’s eyes widened as she took in the size of his cock. She licked her lips almost unconsciously. 

James groaned. “You can’t do that,” he said, as he pressed himself into her. 

His weight was comforting, Lily thought. She could feel her body heating up at the skin-to-skin contact and she realised to her surprise that she was already wet. 

“Do what?” she asked, breathlessly.   
“You can’t look at my dick and then lick your lips,” he said. “Its just too much.” 

“I think everything you do is too much so I guess we’re even,” Lily said cheekily. 

She gathered his length in her hand, revelling in the evidence of his need for her. She began stroking him again, but he quickly stopped her. 

“I want to come in you,” he said lowly. He quickly grabbed his wand and muttered a birth control charm, while Lily gazed at him, half unable to believe that this ridiculously attractive boy was about to have sex with her. 

And then with incredible gentleness he parted her legs and positioned himself between her thighs. He slowly began easing himself inside her. She was so wet from her orgasm he slid inside with remarkable ease. He moved inside her cautiously, not wanting to hurt her. 

“James,” Lily said softly, grinding her hips into his. It was an appeal, he realised. He was going too slowly for her. He quickened his pace, thrusting in an out. He was no longer tender and careful and she was responding to that in a way he had never expected. A steady stream of moans emanated from her perfect mouth. He felt his need overwhelm him and knew he wouldn’t be able to hold out much longer. 

“Oh Lily,” he groaned, as he finally reached his climax. He felt himself collapse into her. 

“God you’re perfect,” he mumbled into her hair. 

He felt her arms tighten around him as she burrowed herself into his body. She was perfect and she was his.


End file.
